There are many parts of the apocalypse that I just can’t explain. Really, our knowledge of what’s going on is severely limited. Our usual methods of gathering information are useless. There’s no Apokipedia or Zombileaks. All we’ve got is what we’ve seen. I can’t explain why there is still electricity or running water, or Internet. I can only guess that these things are actually operated by automated systems and need little human help. I don’t know. And anyway, I’m not counting on them to last forever. But what I can explain even less is the presence of Television. Not real television. Most of the channels are nothing but bars and tone. But there is one that is not. Once channel is dedicated to playing the Slap Chop commercial over and over again. Suffice it to say that I now have it memorized, and I sometimes turn it on to feel like there’s some civilization left out there. I can only assume that, some television programmer, with only minutes left to live, put his last Earthly effort into leaving Vince on the air. Is it a sick joke? Or is it what he thought the world needed? Impossible to tell.

It’s chilling to know that there’s nothing new on TV. It means that there’s no one out there. No one creating, no one consuming. Even on lonely nights before, the television allowed us to feel the pulse of humanity. Now, we feel nothing when the television is on. But then I think, hey, maybe Vince is still out there. Maybe he’s a survivor like us, and he’s taking out the infection, and cleaning it up with a Sham Wow. Or maybe he’s been turned. Maybe some infected individual, formerly a prostitute, bit his tongue and turned him. One can only wonder.

It is possible that all of these questions will one day be answered for me. It is also possible that I will die without ever learning any of them. No time to worry about that now. Vince is on.