Who’s Watching Me Now?

I read in a psychology book once that everyone has an internal audience. It’s made up of all the people you care about in your life, or at least the people you have given permission to judge you, and they’re in the back of your mind all of the time. It helps to keep some people on the right path I guess, but I always felt it was oppressive. That’s not to say I wanted to do bad things, but I feel like I went with the flow more often than I wanted to.
I was spending some time thinking about the world I have left to create here, and what changes I would make, and I realized that I don’t really have that internal audience any more. They all died, and nothing is left of them here. Not even in my mind. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve spent my fair share of time mourning. It’s just not something I feel like burdening anyone out there with. I’m sure you have your own tragedies, given that you’re living through this situation.
It’s strange, but my actions are now almost completely governed by me. Zoic governs me also. Zoic isn’t in my personal audience, as she is always beside me. She is my real audience. It’s a weird feeling. It’s kind of scary. You feel like the moral path you walk is a tight rope, even though it’s probably much wider and harder to fall from. At least for me.

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


*